Central Florida veteran, wife affected by war try to help other returning vets cope
Camaraderie Foundation aims to help returning veterans transition back to civilian society
When Michael Waldrop came home from serving in Afghanistan, his wife planned a trip to Disney World on their first weekend together. But as he stood along Main Street with his 5-year-old daughter, trying to find a good spot for Cinderella's parade, Waldrop began to seethe.
He fumed about people throwing trash on the ground, about tourists elbowing one another for a better spot to view the parade. Marnie Waldrop could see that her husband was quietly starting to lose his cool. It wasn't the homecoming either had imagined.
Marnie and Afghan-war veteran Michael Waldrop (Photo: GEORGE SKENE, ORLANDO SENTINEL)
So Marnie contacted a marriage and family counselor. Together, they went once a week for three months — and then went back for repeated visits. The counseling helped — so much that the couple want to give other returning veterans and their families the same opportunity.
To do that, they've established a nonprofit, the Camaraderie Foundation, which raises money to pay for private counseling to help veterans and their families cope with the stresses of military life and the readjustment upon returning home from war.
They're not trying to compete with the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, which offers mental-health counseling for veterans and, to a lesser extent, their families.
"The VA offers counseling for spouses and for family members," said Fanita Jackson-Norman, program manager at the Orlando VA clinic. "But really our perspective is in treating the veteran."
The Waldrops think that, like Michael, many returning vets could benefit from marriage-and-family counseling. Their foundation helps pay for that and provides additional options for veterans afraid of being stigmatized for seeking counseling or those who don't want their records to reflect that they've seen a VA counselor.
Michael Waldrop saw that firsthand in the military.
"There's this stereotype that if you go to counseling, you get labeled as having ‘issues,' " Michael said. Because of that, he said, "a soldier doesn't want his chain of command to know that he's having problems. Likewise, officers don't want their troops to know."
That's why many in the military are leery of getting counseling through the military, says Peggy Hightower, an Orlando mom whose son is serving overseas.
"If a vet goes to the VA for services, it's on record," she said. "If it's not done through the VA, it's not on record."
Though Camaraderie was formed only months ago, the organization is already reaching out to local families. Christy, a 35-year-old Orlando woman, turned to it for help when her husband was preparing to ship out to Kuwait for one year. At the time, Christy was expecting their first child and having a difficult pregnancy. The idea that he would be overseas — and miss the birth of their child — bothered her.
"We would have been able to go through the military for counseling, but I have very strong [religious] beliefs and preferred someone I could get Christian counseling through," said Christy, who asked that her last name be withheld to protect her privacy.
The Camaraderie Foundation picks up 75 percent of her counseling bills; Christy and her husband pay the rest.
"It really helps us out financially to have this organization help us," Christy said.
For married soldiers, the stress of war can wreak havoc on their relationships. During Michael Waldrop's tour of duty, six of the soldiers in his unit of 24 got divorced. A seventh got divorced after he returned home.
"You think you're coming home to family and friends, air conditioning, ice in your drinks. You think it's heaven," said Michael Waldrop, a construction-company executive. "Little did we know. It was much more difficult for me, for my kids, for my wife to adjust."
At home, the Waldrops had to learn to talk to each other again. Michael was used to giving orders. And Marnie — who had learned how to pay the bills and manage the household — wasn't accustomed to taking them. She also had established a new routine with the kids, and Michael thought he was in the way.
Counseling helped the couple bridge some of the gaps that had developed in their marriage.
"If it weren't for Marnie, I probably wouldn't have gone to counseling," Michael said. "But now I know it works. And we need a campaign to get rid of the stigma associated with counseling."
With thousands of troops scheduled to return home in the next few years, Michael Waldrop wants to do what he can to help those soldiers readjust.
"Our society," he said, "has not felt the impact of all these young men and young women trying to reintegrate into society, but we will."
For information on the Camaraderie Foundation, go to camaraderiefoundation.com.
Source: Orlando Sentinel
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